As I have started a new role, I am clearly meeting new people. On the whole, I like my new job a lot - larger companies with proper departments for things, great boss, friendly and capable colleagues.
The thing is with my company, though, is that it has seen a lot of change in recent years. Some major acquisitions, new board members and senior staff, and an influx of 80 staff to a team of around 25, along with a transition to a new CEO from one who was, well, 'autocratic' would be the generous term.
The end result of this is that there's been tumultuous change which has created 'history'. Everyone in the company - or at least, everyone who has been there for a while - is keen to tell me about the history, or sometimes, put in other diplomatic terms - 'context', or insights. I find these things useful to the extent that they provide perspective, but these have sometimes devolved into politics.
On that topic, I have a new colleague who (awkwardly) is actually doing the role I've been hired for. She is a contractor selected by the board for a discrete piece of work (which she has very ably delivered in trying circumstances), but it was decided (by who, I'm not sure) that she's not the right longer term fit for the business - hence, my appointment.
Now, she has taken this extremely well. I think she may be somewhat confused, but has coped with integrity and is still clearly committed to getting great outcomes for the business. Brava.
The thing is with this woman... she is an energy vampire and doesn't know it.
She is extremely engaging, knowledgable and hard working. However, in the few short days I've been working with her, I feel like a need a Stackhat and a packed lunch for every meeting, and after every interaction, well, sometimes I could take a nap.
She's just flying around, a million miles a minute, and so involved with - and obsessed over - every tiny piece of detail which I'm not sure matters. She makes things needlessly complex and loves gossip or 'uncovering' dramas or issues. Nearly every conversation I have had with her - even ones that are driven by simple questions - devolve into whispers and eventually end in a private meeting room where she can tell me 'what's really going on'.
I don't think she deliberately sets out to be confrontational or intense, but she is. And it's reminding me of one of my new career resolutions - thou shalt not give away emotional energy. To manage this, I actually (subtly of course) imagine a barrier between her and I where I can hear what she's saying but not engage too much.
Any tips for people like this? The above tactic is working somewhat, but I feel like she's encroaching on my time in such an unproductive way!
Thursday 26 July 2018
Friday 20 July 2018
The new rules for working (and maybe life too)
As I move into the second half of 2018, I have had great occasion to reflect on the first half of the year. By the end of June, I had resigned my job, finished my MBA, been through some very intense periods at work (audit, restructure), and felt, well, pretty exhausted.
On Monday, I'll commence a new role, perhaps the most challenging and senior of my career. Given that my tendency is to 'carry' work quite heavily, I've spent my month off (yes, that's right, a month!) thinking about how I create a happier and more productive relationship with work. My last role had many positives - great people, flexible working arrangements - but I felt constantly frustrated, burnt out, unrecognised and under the pump. The 18 months I spent in the role (not long in the grand scheme of things) saw me hurtling from one thing to the next, frantically trying to be all things to all people, putting out fires and making myself overly available. Whilst I can put some of these down to the environment (understaffed, low resourced start up, my job being a mix of 5 different things), I can also say with some honesty that much of my state of mind and attitude was due to my behaviours, attitudes and belief.
I'm hoping to achieve a new way of showing up to work and doing a fantastic job whilst not feeling like it's sucking me dry and causing me unnecessary stress and overwhelm. My last job got to the point where I often couldn't sleep, such was my stress, and going to work every day (even when trying to put myself in a positive mindset) became something I dreaded. This was for a range of reasons - some unproductive working relationships, a lack of alignment between my values and those of my employer, feeling as though I needed to 'get everything done', despite feeling exhausted, and feeling on the whole unrecognised and taken advantage of (salary wise).
So, to that end, I've thought about how I am going to show up to my new role and hopefully create some much needed space between the work and 'who I am' - historically, this has been challenging for me. Here's my ten commandments for my new role and the next 12 months.
1. Though shalt not over engage emotionally at work (or in life).
In my old role, I had a habit of taking things personally which simply weren't personal. In my capacity as a informal mentor, I often tell my mentees that work 'isn't personal'. When it comes to working conditions, salaries and career progression, sometimes what you are looking for will align with what your employer is looking for. Sometimes it won't. This is why we sometimes can get paid more for doing the same role in a different company - the new company might put a monetary value on some of your skills that your current company does not. It's not personal, and it's certainly not something that you should feel emotional about. Sure, it might be disappointing and frustrating, but we don't need to dwell on it. We can have feelings about work without fixating on it. Listen to those feelings - if you're having them more often than not, it could be time for change - but try and save your emotional energy for things that matter (family, friends and self).
2. Though shalt not gossip.
Okay, I'm guilty of this. I won't go into detail on this because it's fairly self explanatory, but I'll say this - once people see that you're up for a nasty gossip, it's very hard to undo that perception. My new boss described someone in my new company as being 'a bit of a gossip' and it didn't create a positive impression. It rarely does.
3. Though shalt take time and energy for creative pursuits.
Over the last year, I thought I didn't have time for writing. When I reflect on this, I realise I had plenty of time (perhaps I just needed to grab it more fully), but I often lacked the energy - that is, after I was done working, studying, parenting, being a friend and wife, doing housework, exercising - all I could do was crawl up for a big nap. It's an important lesson - it's not just time but energy we expend. This year, I'm dedicating 10 minutes a day to writing with a larger chunk on Friday mornings, and 5 minutes of Spanish and weekly singing lessons.
4. Though shalt place 'space' between stimuli and response.
I have a life long habit of 'jumping in' to solve problems, put out fires, respond to emails, make sure that I am taking action. No more. After doing this for 35 years, I've realised three things 1. most things that seem urgent aren't. 2. the brief feeling of satisfaction at 'actioning' something isn't worth the cost of constantly juggling emails, texts, tasks and 3. a bit of space can be a good thing for the thought process (not to mention soul) and leads to less mistakes.
5. Though shalt not multi task.
I won't delve into this one, suffice to say that it is now well researched that it doesn't make us more productive. I will give myself an exception for music / podcasts when travelling / walking. Because I love them.
6. Though shalt call it out.
Do you ever have imaginary conversations with people who piss you off? They did something, you didn't mention anything at the time, but later (usually at 3 am) I am saying what I wish I said, bantering back and forth, winning arguments. Just say it at the time. You risk being wrong or being a little difficult, but calling something out once, or at least engaging in constructive conversation, it much better for your sanity.
7. Though shalt be less available.
I get a lot of texts and emails and phone calls. Hint - if your phone lights up with a call or you get ANOTHER email from a person asking a favour and your response is to roll your eyes or sigh, then you can just leave it for a while.
8. Though shalt not engage in the 3M's daily.
Musing, meditation and movement. The latter two are self explanatory (with movement ranging from a walk to a stretch through to a full gym workout). The 'musing' part is to wake up with intention and go to sleep having reflected (non judgmentally) on the day.
9. Though shalt take time to reflect.
Schedule this shit. Daily, as per above, weekly (maybe with your spouse or significant other), monthly. To ask yourself how are you are feeling, what's feeling good and what's not. This is an excellent way to practise emotional agility (and stop things from building up over time) and make tweaks and pivots.
10. Though shall prioritise the things that matter.
Being present with my family matters. Doing a good job at work matters. Making time for myself and family and friends matters. Quality time - where I'm not distracted or anxious about something else - matters. My friends and family will be there when work is long gone. My daughter will be a grown up before I know it. It's time to stop worrying about the micro.
On Monday, I'll commence a new role, perhaps the most challenging and senior of my career. Given that my tendency is to 'carry' work quite heavily, I've spent my month off (yes, that's right, a month!) thinking about how I create a happier and more productive relationship with work. My last role had many positives - great people, flexible working arrangements - but I felt constantly frustrated, burnt out, unrecognised and under the pump. The 18 months I spent in the role (not long in the grand scheme of things) saw me hurtling from one thing to the next, frantically trying to be all things to all people, putting out fires and making myself overly available. Whilst I can put some of these down to the environment (understaffed, low resourced start up, my job being a mix of 5 different things), I can also say with some honesty that much of my state of mind and attitude was due to my behaviours, attitudes and belief.
I'm hoping to achieve a new way of showing up to work and doing a fantastic job whilst not feeling like it's sucking me dry and causing me unnecessary stress and overwhelm. My last job got to the point where I often couldn't sleep, such was my stress, and going to work every day (even when trying to put myself in a positive mindset) became something I dreaded. This was for a range of reasons - some unproductive working relationships, a lack of alignment between my values and those of my employer, feeling as though I needed to 'get everything done', despite feeling exhausted, and feeling on the whole unrecognised and taken advantage of (salary wise).
So, to that end, I've thought about how I am going to show up to my new role and hopefully create some much needed space between the work and 'who I am' - historically, this has been challenging for me. Here's my ten commandments for my new role and the next 12 months.
1. Though shalt not over engage emotionally at work (or in life).
In my old role, I had a habit of taking things personally which simply weren't personal. In my capacity as a informal mentor, I often tell my mentees that work 'isn't personal'. When it comes to working conditions, salaries and career progression, sometimes what you are looking for will align with what your employer is looking for. Sometimes it won't. This is why we sometimes can get paid more for doing the same role in a different company - the new company might put a monetary value on some of your skills that your current company does not. It's not personal, and it's certainly not something that you should feel emotional about. Sure, it might be disappointing and frustrating, but we don't need to dwell on it. We can have feelings about work without fixating on it. Listen to those feelings - if you're having them more often than not, it could be time for change - but try and save your emotional energy for things that matter (family, friends and self).
2. Though shalt not gossip.
Okay, I'm guilty of this. I won't go into detail on this because it's fairly self explanatory, but I'll say this - once people see that you're up for a nasty gossip, it's very hard to undo that perception. My new boss described someone in my new company as being 'a bit of a gossip' and it didn't create a positive impression. It rarely does.
3. Though shalt take time and energy for creative pursuits.
Over the last year, I thought I didn't have time for writing. When I reflect on this, I realise I had plenty of time (perhaps I just needed to grab it more fully), but I often lacked the energy - that is, after I was done working, studying, parenting, being a friend and wife, doing housework, exercising - all I could do was crawl up for a big nap. It's an important lesson - it's not just time but energy we expend. This year, I'm dedicating 10 minutes a day to writing with a larger chunk on Friday mornings, and 5 minutes of Spanish and weekly singing lessons.
4. Though shalt place 'space' between stimuli and response.
I have a life long habit of 'jumping in' to solve problems, put out fires, respond to emails, make sure that I am taking action. No more. After doing this for 35 years, I've realised three things 1. most things that seem urgent aren't. 2. the brief feeling of satisfaction at 'actioning' something isn't worth the cost of constantly juggling emails, texts, tasks and 3. a bit of space can be a good thing for the thought process (not to mention soul) and leads to less mistakes.
5. Though shalt not multi task.
I won't delve into this one, suffice to say that it is now well researched that it doesn't make us more productive. I will give myself an exception for music / podcasts when travelling / walking. Because I love them.
6. Though shalt call it out.
Do you ever have imaginary conversations with people who piss you off? They did something, you didn't mention anything at the time, but later (usually at 3 am) I am saying what I wish I said, bantering back and forth, winning arguments. Just say it at the time. You risk being wrong or being a little difficult, but calling something out once, or at least engaging in constructive conversation, it much better for your sanity.
7. Though shalt be less available.
I get a lot of texts and emails and phone calls. Hint - if your phone lights up with a call or you get ANOTHER email from a person asking a favour and your response is to roll your eyes or sigh, then you can just leave it for a while.
8. Though shalt not engage in the 3M's daily.
Musing, meditation and movement. The latter two are self explanatory (with movement ranging from a walk to a stretch through to a full gym workout). The 'musing' part is to wake up with intention and go to sleep having reflected (non judgmentally) on the day.
9. Though shalt take time to reflect.
Schedule this shit. Daily, as per above, weekly (maybe with your spouse or significant other), monthly. To ask yourself how are you are feeling, what's feeling good and what's not. This is an excellent way to practise emotional agility (and stop things from building up over time) and make tweaks and pivots.
10. Though shall prioritise the things that matter.
Being present with my family matters. Doing a good job at work matters. Making time for myself and family and friends matters. Quality time - where I'm not distracted or anxious about something else - matters. My friends and family will be there when work is long gone. My daughter will be a grown up before I know it. It's time to stop worrying about the micro.
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