Pregnancy can be a really alienating experience in many ways. I'm fortunate to have an unbelievably supportive partner and amazing friends who have made the journey really lovely and made me feel all warm and supported and full of excitement. But some days, particularly when I'm feeling some of the not-so-desirable symptoms of pregnancy (which I'll refrain from sharing with you, dear reader, because I'm sure you have a delicate constitution), it can feel like I'm slogging it out totally alone. Your body is feeling not so fab (especially if you are a person for whom exercise, healthy eating and feeling healthy and rested is of the utmost importance), and your brain goes into overdrive (I feel awful! If I feel like this now, how am I going to go with a baby? What if I can't cope? I hate feeling tired! I AM LOSING MY MIND).
This morning my lovely partner said to me 'yes, you feel like crap, but you're not crap. It's the difference between 'I feel bad' and 'I AM bad'. Notwithstanding that my husband had a pretty big night last night (so extra points for morning after, hungover philosophy which I could never muster up after a night on the tiles), this statement really resonated with me. I've been so caught up in my own head! It's really easy to confuse the transitory nature of thoughts and feelings with a sense of permanence (particularly if you have spent some of your evening tossing and turning and/or vomiting). I find I do this a lot - we all do - by confusing how we feel now with how we'll feel forever, and then spiralling into anxiety about the future.
Similarly, my best friend this afternoon (also hungover, hmm) gently informed me that there's very little point worrying now about whether or not I'll feel tired and overwhelmed when the baby comes. I probably will feel tired and overwhelmed at some points. Maybe not so much at other points. But there's certainly not much I can do about it now, right?
I picked up (read: stole from a mate's house) this little number this afternoon which sums this all up quite nicely (well, I think it does. I haven't quite finished it yet. You can get it here ).
As I say, I'm only a little way in, but it talks about the difference between feeling and being. In it, Phillipa Perry invites the reader to regularly take stock by engaging in what she calls a 'grounding exercise' which allows us to increase our self observation. To engage the grounding exercise, we effectively ask ourselves these questions:
“What am I feeling now?”
“What am I thinking now?”
“What am I doing at this moment?”
“How am I breathing?”
“What do I want for myself in this moment?
I'll be following this practice for a week to see what impact it has. I'll report back next week! In other news, I'll be using this space for some more creative writing over the coming weeks (as opposed to random warbling), so look out!
