Well now I am in Buenos Aires, and its not too bad. Learning to speak the language prior to arrival would have been a right treat but alas we cannot fulfil all of our dreams, even if they are beginning to include frequent and creative ways to snuff an obnoxious little crumpet known as Pocket who is the dubious producer of a bleating song known as 'Enamorarte' which has Argentinian tweens singing along with their walkmans (walk men?).
But I digress. My lack of Spanish has lead to some intriguing conversation and even more scintillating results. I ventured the other day into Farmacity which is a chain of chemists in BA which which seems to offer a happy assortment of beauty products and I had successfully sourced most of my needs before I was confronted with the unhappy requirement of human conversation to obtain the last product on my list (said product was behind the counter. On a side note, WTF is dry shampoo behind the counter?).
The interaction between myself and our Farmacity friend went a little like this:
Me: NECESSITO SHAMPOO
...
Unsure of the correct word for dry, I use a befuddled head swinging motion - complete with spraying hand charade - to communicate my wishes.
Helpful lady: ajwdgajttvdhj? Si?
Me: NECESSITO SHAMPOO! Si!
Helpful lady: confused silence
It is now apparent that my earlier dramatic performance lacked the requisite emphasis, so I now proceed to drop my head to my chest and bob it up and down. I'm not entirely sure how this improves on my earlier performance but my objective is met and the lovely lady assistant produces a can of said shampoo. And yes, I'll be wearing Valentino to this year's SAG awards (best new talent: shitty pantomime)
Helpful lady: djsdgyjsg DOS qyyosmmes VEINTE
From thus exchange I gather that if I purchase two, I will receive a 20% discount. I am also ably assisted in drawing this conclusion by the accompanying sign that reads "20% off" but that's neither here nor there and the shop assistant becomes quite excited by the apparent revelation that I understand Spanish. Seizing the opportunity, I ask for face lotion when it dawns on me that I don't know the word for 'lotion' and my repeated utterances of 'VISAGE VISAGE' would only be helpful if my new friend a) spoke french, b) was cameoing in a Nivea commercial or c) all of the above. But by this stage I am too proud to admit that mi no hablar espanol and she has successfully deduced (most probably from looking at my face, and from my disproportionate levels of stress over a simple visit to the chemist) that I need something with anti aging properties.
So in short, I get what I want. The good news is that I leave with an Avene face cream, a brand I rather enjoy. The bad news? I can't understand anything on the label and the phrases I've opted to plug into itranslate offer worrying and somewhat befuddling results such as 'not water' and 'milky juice' (not normally until after I've finished dinner, thanks!)
Of course, I'm joking about the second one. But I'm going to have to maintain my sense of humour I'm to achieve this anti aging. Lotion alone won't do.
