It's so easy to forget sometimes, but I have lately found myself thinking of how lucky I am to have a such a tight knit, close, and wonderful circle of friends as I do.
Don't get me wrong, I often ponder this and marvel at having such amazing friendships but lately, it's been really hitting me hard - in the good way.
A number of people in my circle of friends are going through some serious changes and challenges at the moment - some good, some tragic and sad, but the one consistent theme for me is how we all rally around each other when we need to offer support and love, in whatever form that may take.
I often forget that some people don't have that - people who would drop everything if they need it.
x
Monday 27 April 2015
Saturday 18 April 2015
Coudla, shoulda, woulda.
I can't remember if I've posted on this topic before, but sometimes I really detest the word 'should' and the role it plays in life.
Today, Michael and I have been married for six months. And it's been wonderful. After training this morning and running some errands, I wanted to spend the day in bed with him watching Masters of Sex and reading.
But sure enough, as I got the laptop fired up and prepared by stack of magazines by the bed, it started.
You should spend this time working on your business instead of slacking off.
Don't you have some chores to do? You should be doing those right now.
Are you really going to spend the day in bed? You should be blogging.
I call these guys the 'shouldas'.
Does this happen to anyone else? It's really insidious and to my mind, inextricably linked with guilt. Guilt for the things you should have done, guilt for the things you should be doing, guilt for the things that you wish you'd done later on.
In the end, it got too difficult and I gave up on my luxury day in bed. I oftentimes find on weekends if I give myself an opportunity to relax, the shouldas start up in my brain. I sometimes sit down to rest or read on weekends and end up napping. Whether this is a sign that I'm exhausted, or whether it's the only way for my body to ignore the 'shouldas' in brain, I don't know.
I often wonder if this affects highly ambitious or effective people. People who have lots of plans, goals, lists, ambitions. For those people, the shouldas are their voices calling the to action to get working on the life they want and dream of and telling them they shouldn't be complacent.
I realised today is that all the plans and goals in the world are pretty unattainable if I don't let myself off the hook now and then. When you keep thrashing yourself, it becomes harder and harder to achieve the things on that big life list.
That was the most frustrating thing about today - a day earmarked for rest and relaxation, which felt anything but.
So how do we turn that voice off? How to get to a point where we aren't a slave to the shouldas in our lives?
x
Today, Michael and I have been married for six months. And it's been wonderful. After training this morning and running some errands, I wanted to spend the day in bed with him watching Masters of Sex and reading.
But sure enough, as I got the laptop fired up and prepared by stack of magazines by the bed, it started.
You should spend this time working on your business instead of slacking off.
Don't you have some chores to do? You should be doing those right now.
Are you really going to spend the day in bed? You should be blogging.
I call these guys the 'shouldas'.
Does this happen to anyone else? It's really insidious and to my mind, inextricably linked with guilt. Guilt for the things you should have done, guilt for the things you should be doing, guilt for the things that you wish you'd done later on.
In the end, it got too difficult and I gave up on my luxury day in bed. I oftentimes find on weekends if I give myself an opportunity to relax, the shouldas start up in my brain. I sometimes sit down to rest or read on weekends and end up napping. Whether this is a sign that I'm exhausted, or whether it's the only way for my body to ignore the 'shouldas' in brain, I don't know.
I often wonder if this affects highly ambitious or effective people. People who have lots of plans, goals, lists, ambitions. For those people, the shouldas are their voices calling the to action to get working on the life they want and dream of and telling them they shouldn't be complacent.
I realised today is that all the plans and goals in the world are pretty unattainable if I don't let myself off the hook now and then. When you keep thrashing yourself, it becomes harder and harder to achieve the things on that big life list.
That was the most frustrating thing about today - a day earmarked for rest and relaxation, which felt anything but.
So how do we turn that voice off? How to get to a point where we aren't a slave to the shouldas in our lives?
x
Monday 6 April 2015
Happy Easter!
This Easter has been wonderful. For the first time in many years, I / we haven't gone away or had tonnes of commitments, and it's been great. We've just pottered and I've had lots of time to reflect and think.
One of the things that I have been reflecting on is mindfulness. I know I've talked about that on this blog before, but times like Easter (where we are encouraged to gorge ourselves on chocolate, despite the fact that Australians eat 4.5 kilograms of chocolate year), I find that the notion of mindful eating particularly gets a bit away from us. How often have we nibbled on chocolate (or any food for that matter, particularly at festive times) to the point where we didn't realise how much we've eaten / feel completely ill / self flagellate over our lack of self control?
I think I've gotten much better at avoiding over eating over the years, but last night we went out for dinner with friends and I ate waaaaay too much - cue, waking up with a food hangover (this is an actual thing - see here).
Whenever the food hangover hits, I find myself thinking about the Japanese principle of hara hachi bu.
Hara hachi bu is grounded in Confucian philosophy. It encourages people to eat until they are 80% full. This encourages you to eat mindfully, thinking about the food being consumed. The idea is that this practice curbs excessive eating and slowly teaches you to learn how to stop when you have eaten enough.
I should say at this point, I'm not about demonising food. I really do believe in 'everything in moderation.' I just find this often difficult to exercise when eating out and being served massive portions, and particularly difficult when I am busy. These times, I'll often find myself eating - on the go, while watching TV, talking with friends - without really thinking about it (I think everyone knows this feeling - starting with a packet of Tim Tams and realising the entire package is gone).
Which leads back to eating mindfully. The New York Times did an excellent piece on this a few years back which I often find myself referring to:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/08/dining/mindful-eating-as-food-for-thought.html?_r=0
The other thing that feeds in to this, of course, is emotional eating and drinking - reaching for the wine, chocolate, pizza, whatever - when we are feeling stressed and harried, simply telling ourselves that we deserve it for making it through a difficult day / week.
So my goal for this week is to remember to slow down (in life generally), and think about what I'm actually eating / drinking. It certainly takes more time, and requires you to consider what you're actually putting in your mouth, but with a huge bowl of chocolate eggs staring at me as I type this post, I think it's very necessary.
One of the things that I have been reflecting on is mindfulness. I know I've talked about that on this blog before, but times like Easter (where we are encouraged to gorge ourselves on chocolate, despite the fact that Australians eat 4.5 kilograms of chocolate year), I find that the notion of mindful eating particularly gets a bit away from us. How often have we nibbled on chocolate (or any food for that matter, particularly at festive times) to the point where we didn't realise how much we've eaten / feel completely ill / self flagellate over our lack of self control?
I think I've gotten much better at avoiding over eating over the years, but last night we went out for dinner with friends and I ate waaaaay too much - cue, waking up with a food hangover (this is an actual thing - see here).
Whenever the food hangover hits, I find myself thinking about the Japanese principle of hara hachi bu.
Hara hachi bu is grounded in Confucian philosophy. It encourages people to eat until they are 80% full. This encourages you to eat mindfully, thinking about the food being consumed. The idea is that this practice curbs excessive eating and slowly teaches you to learn how to stop when you have eaten enough.
I should say at this point, I'm not about demonising food. I really do believe in 'everything in moderation.' I just find this often difficult to exercise when eating out and being served massive portions, and particularly difficult when I am busy. These times, I'll often find myself eating - on the go, while watching TV, talking with friends - without really thinking about it (I think everyone knows this feeling - starting with a packet of Tim Tams and realising the entire package is gone).
Which leads back to eating mindfully. The New York Times did an excellent piece on this a few years back which I often find myself referring to:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/08/dining/mindful-eating-as-food-for-thought.html?_r=0
The other thing that feeds in to this, of course, is emotional eating and drinking - reaching for the wine, chocolate, pizza, whatever - when we are feeling stressed and harried, simply telling ourselves that we deserve it for making it through a difficult day / week.
So my goal for this week is to remember to slow down (in life generally), and think about what I'm actually eating / drinking. It certainly takes more time, and requires you to consider what you're actually putting in your mouth, but with a huge bowl of chocolate eggs staring at me as I type this post, I think it's very necessary.
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