Everyday sexism

Late last year I read Laura Bates' excellent book, Everyday Sexism, which (I believe) stems from her Everyday Sexism project. As I read the book, I recoiled in horror at the awful stories of overt and disgusting treatment of women and pondered how lucky I was that I had (mostly) avoided these sorts of incidents in my own life. However, as I've stopped to reflect - particularly in my new role, where I am the only woman in senior management within the company - I've realised all the insidious, covert ways in which women are exposed to less than savoury treatment, particularly in the work place.

Please don't get me wrong - in a world where women are marginalised, fighting to vote, being forced into domestic / sexual servitude, suffering violence at the hands of their partners, being paid considerably less than their male peers,  I don't mean to imply that I have got it bad. I know  - and thoroughly appreciate - that I am living as a privileged young woman in an exceedingly wealthy country, a country which has excellent social safeguards and opportunities for those who want them.

The thing that strikes me more is that most - if not all - covert sexism, particularly at work - isn't malicious, planned, strategic, or even particularly considered. It just ... happens. Why? Generational issues, yes, to some extent? The presence or influence of a few particularly macho or blokey guys? People in positions of privilege or seniority who are just used to women being administrative assistants?

Whatever it is, I realised I have had jack of it today when, as the second most senior person in my company, an external consultant sent me a copy of a powerpoint presentation and asked me to transfer it to a company template for PPT slides and to please put them on a projector for him to present. At a meeting which I was not attending.

Now, this may not seem like much, but to give you context, this person:

• actively discouraged the recruit of a woman into a senior role because of 'issues' in her personal life
• has asked me to set up meetings for him on his behalf after giving me a copy of his diary 
• has told our managing director that he thinks I should be taking minutes in various senior     committees (as an aside, I have been involved in these committees as part of my role, not simply to take minutes, and each of these committees is attended by other staff - men - equal to, or more junior than me). 

I don't want to seem precious, or as though I am not a team player. I am normally a person who loves to help out and willingly do so. However, I'm always a bit miffed when I think such assistance is EXPECTED by virtue of my gender.  As a friend pointed out to me, this particular person wouldn't dream of asking one of our male managers to undertake these tasks. 

These things have led me to consider the broader undesirable treatment I have received in the last 8 months in my role. Again, nothing serious from my perspective - I am pretty confident standing up for myself and call out this stuff when I see it. I once told a person  to leave a meeting for not giving me the respect I deserved.  Overall, I still find my role challenging and exciting and enjoyable. But here are some examples (and to be fair, I think some of these may be also partly the result  of me being YOUNG and a woman. I am on a management team where the next person - age wise  - would be 20 years my senior): 

• After telling a colleague that I wouldn't be changing my name (after getting married), having him roll his eyes and say 'oh - you're one of THOSE girls'.
• Having the same colleague size me up in the weeks before my wedding and say 'you're getting TOO thin now. Time to put on some weight'. Comments about my weight - and appearance - are par for the course. Never insulting or rude, just always..... noted. 
• Being consistently spoken over in meetings by a male colleague whenever I raise a point he doesn't want to hear (hence my comment above about asking someone to leave a meeting)
• Having my boss try and talk me out of a pay rise because people my age are 'cannon fodder' in this industry, implying that I should shut up and accept my salary (I didn't), which albeit, is not specific to my gender and perhaps more accurately alludes to my age, but I firmly believe that he would never have made these comments to a male colleague.
• Being told that a potential hire had 'tickets on herself' for asking a salary that was the going market rate.
• Struggling to work out a laptop / projector combination and having a male colleague say 'it's because you're a woman!!'

I'm not even covering off the whole list here. These are just some highlights. 

So I understand if you're reading this, it may appear that I am a pushover and maybe not standing up for myself in the workplace. But the thing is, that's just not the case. I fight. I pushback. I say 'no' when I am asked to do administrative tasks which are not my role.  I even say no rather bluntly, with no apology. I'm known as a little feisty, a little bossy and a great leader (I'm not blowing my own trumpet here). 

So my question is - do you stay and keep fighting, hoping that you're making things better for women in that business further down the track (noting of course than in my workplace, all the other women  - in my business - and there's not that many of them -  are in customer service, or other administrative roles), or do you deduce that this place is incredibly backward, a regressive boiling pot of dinosaurs who should be left to dig their own graves in a world that is rapidly changing?

I guess that's a question for another day. I only know this  - some days being in charge and not tolerating shit from people makes me feel positively energised and other days, like today, you wonder whether or not you're fighting a losing battle.