I've often contemplated the merits of the phrase 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger', and think about the gamut of human achievement - all the feats that people have achieved over the history of time (well, come to it, not even over the history of time - at this very moment, there are people probably smashing physical / mental / emotional / intellectual / scientific barriers when all I have done is eat a mini Magnum and watch some QI on TV, but I digress).
There's some weight, sure, in the argument that all those challenges, adversities, tough moments become defining moments. I myself have always subscribed (with some things anyway) to the theory that what doesn't kill you DOES make you stronger. In many ways, would not describe myself as a quitter. This leads to some interesting and perhaps unintended consequences, because surely, there is a balance to be struck between stretching / challenging oneself and allowing oneself to languish in a situation that is clearly untenable.
(I should caveat in some way that I AM a quitter at some things - baking, Futsal, pretending to understand how Donnie Darko ended, newspaper delivery routes, playing the flute - but despite all this, my little brain still agrees that it would be much better had I not given up, and berates me on a daily basis for quitting those things whilst conjuring situations in which I would have regaled everything with my homemade biscotti whilst playing Che Gelida Manina from La Boheme on my flute, to critical acclaim).
Mostly, when it comes to my career, I find it difficult to be a quitter. I find it difficult to admit that enough is enough, that something isn't working. I'm not sure why - whether it's because of my gold star seeking, people pleasing nature, or whether it's deeper that that - say, because I am inherently fickle in nature and am never quite sure of how serious the problem is (for example, within a single week, I am likely to oscillate between loving my job and considering quitting my job in an extraorindarily dramatic fashion - think all staff emails telling everyone what I really think of my boss and showing up to work in a tutu, drunk on tequila and announcing my resignation).
Either which way, I am having trouble discerning whether or not my current career choice is making me stronger. Actually, no. I am aware that it's making me more resilient, skilled and confident (albeit more stressed). But is there a point at which you step back and say 'yeah, sure, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, but hey, I am going batshit fucking crazy in the process.'
Because, frankly, that's the way I think I'm heading sometimes. Getting slightly less patient with things, rushing things where I once would have taken time, forgetting things that I would normally remember, feeling physically tense and tired. So whilst it might be making me stronger and not killing me (not in the literal sense of the word, of course), is it possible that I am doing myself some long term damage? Or is it just time to toughen up, think of all the people dealing with things that are far worse, and carry on?
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