The stories we tell ourselves...

I have been thinking over the last few days about the stories we tell ourselves.

I'm a pretty highly strung person, so it's not uncommon for me to feel stressed, anxious, overwrought, busy, on edge (sounds delightful doesn't it?). But lately I've noticed that often, my tendency to experience these feelings is driven largely by own perceptions - specifically, the stories I tell myself  - rather than external stressors themselves.

My reasoning goes something like this....

I will feel stressed, overwhelmed, busy. I will start acting frantically, getting in a rush, worrying about how I am going to get it all done. Then I start multi tasking,  scribbling to do lists, juggling, trying to fit it all in. My day becomes an endless stream of open tabs, half finished emails, conversations that have trailed off because I'm already negotiating my next task in my mind. It's frustrating  - for me, and for the people around me (because as a result of this sort of behaviour, I have the attention span of a paperclip).

So, invariably, yes, that leads to more stress. And here's the kicker - it also often leads to guilt (for me anyway). You know the kind - when you read some awful story in the paper, and you feel dreadful because a natural disaster has wiped out dozens, hundreds of people on the other side of the world in a place you've never heard of, and here you are bitching about parking fines / your boss / the NBN dude not showing up on time (NOTE all actual examples of things I have complained about in the last week).

And then you feel like shit. Because you realised that you're not that busy, you've got no real reason to feel stressed, your problems are almost certainly of the first world variety.

So why are you stressed in first place?

It's the story. Not the to do list, or the NBN man, or the parking fine. It's the story that you tell yourself about those external things.

I can't believe that Bob wants me to finish that paper. If Bob wasn't so flanging incompetent I would have to step in and do the job - like I always do. 

I am so busy - I have no idea how I am going to get all this done. I need to finish this email, call that person, get stuff for dinner, pick up my dry cleaning - when does it end?

Why did I eat all that ice cream? What a fatty I am - and I won't be able to make it to the gym for two days because I have to work late. 

These are all thoughts that swirl around my mind - and I'd bet others' minds too (or variations thereof) - on a regular basis. As a result, I find myself stressed and overwhelmed even before I start doing what I think I need to do. I would wager that most people have a relatively consistent story that they tell themselves  - around being busy, about the only person who can get the job done right, about having no spare time, about being fat, about no one liking them. Makes for a self fulfilling prophecy, and a vicious and unhappy cycle.

So how to circumvent? Remind your brain that these are just stories. Aim to catch yourself out next time you tell the story.

There's that old story about everyone else being incompetent. 

It's my busy story!

Now I am telling myself that old story about being a fatty. 

It's not easy, but it works. And the brilliant thing is, once you've started to recognise the story, you can start to replace the story with facts, or, even better, replace it with a good story (Bob is asking for my help because he values my input, I can simply choose not do some of those tasks today, I ate the ice cream because ice cream is delicious and a sometimes food). 

I'm trying very hard to do this. I'm noticing that it has made me a lot calmer.

Now, I am off to eat some ice cream. Because it's delicious, and a sometimes food.