I'm not really one for New Year's resolutions. I don't need the looming date of 1 January to remind me of all the things I could / should / would do better in life, and besides, they always seem a bit arbitrary to me (Get healthy! Learn Japanese! Take up pottery!).
Something that I had considered as 2015 drew to a close was the concept of owning my decisions, which has now formed the basis of a resolution of sorts for 2016. I was finding (in many facets of my life) that I was falling victim to my decisions, rather than accepting that the decision making process is an active process of which I can take total ownership.
Some examples - attending engagements that I don't want to attend, and then complaining about being there, doing household chores and then being pissed that my partner wasn't showing more gratitude, working longer hours or taking on more at work and feeling annoyed that I wasn't receiving more recognition).
I had a bit of an 'aha' moment with all of this in late November. I'd had a rough day at work, and then tried to practice some self care by leaving early to go to the gym (only to get held up from my early departure by matters that I perceived as being beyond my control). I was so frustrated, and as I sobbed down the freeway (and missed the gym!), I noticed the following thought patterns:
Why does this always happen to me?
Why can't anyone see that this is having a negative impact on me?
Why can't that person / persons sort out their own problems?
This is when it hit me - I'm an active participant in all of these goings-on because I have chosen to be. These things aren't 'happening' to me - I'm making decisions to engage in scenarios when I simply don't have to. I don't 'have' to go work. I don't 'have' to go to the gym. I don't 'have' to cook dinner. I don't 'have' to do anything.
I am choosing these things. And, if I am willing to accept the consequences, I can choose not to as well.
So, for 2016, I'm owning my decisions.
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