Some wise words from a wise people (no gold, frankincense and myrrh though)

My oldest and dearest friend shared a piece of insight with me the other day.

Let me set the scene - me, completely frazzled, having an exhausting week, freaking out. I call him up in anticipation of a very difficult conversation that I am about to have at work which I've been dreading (think sleepless nights, tears). As I'm muttering incoherent nonsense down the phone about how it's all too much, he said 'do you know what I've realised about work? You don't have to care about it. You do have a duty of care, yes, but you don't have to actually CARE'.

So true. Although I'm generally pretty good at 'switching off' when I leave work, I do often find myself thinking about work outside work hours (in a very non-mindful way too, mostly stressing about stuff to come and worrying about what has already happened).

Off the back of this pearler, another professional acquaintance and I caught up for a coffee the other day. We were chatting about work stuff, and I was commenting on how down people in my office were at the moment, and how I felt as though I was constantly issuing words of advice or comfort, and she said 'Ah! But there are no prizes for trying to fix every thing for every one. No one will thank you for it'.

Again. Wise. What I've taken from this is that I need to care less. I don't mean callous disregard for others and their feelings, but just to put a barrier between myself and issues that come up. I find that I am constantly anxious and taking stuff on when, really, I have no bandwidth left.

The final piece of the puzzle came from Naomi Simson, the founder of Red Balloon. She spoke at a breakfast I attended the other day, and shared this insight (in reference to an earlier job of hers at IBM in New York). She talks about how she had to work one weekend which, incidentally, was the same weekend a dear friend was flying around the world to visit her. She recalls having a debate about whether to attend to the work stuff (which by all accounts, was important), or to spend time with her friend. She said that in the end, she realised that her employers, years and months on, would never remember whether she showed up that weekend or not. They may be annoyed that she didn't work, but ultimately, they would forget. So she chose to spend time with her friend, who valued her time and energy far greater, and created memories that they would share for decades to come.

So this all boils down to this - really, if I am going to give so much of myself to people and matters, it should be the people and matters I choose, not just the stuff that gets my attention first. I would much prefer to give the problem solving, caring, energy to the people and projects that actually energise me, not exhaust me (and exhausted pretty much sums up how I feel at work at the moment).

It seems so simple, I really do wonder why it took me so long to figure it out.

Have a great week.