My sister's gorgeous Christmas tree.
My little cousin very excited the day before Christmas.
Rottnest
More Rottnest
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Friday, 26 December 2014
I'm dreaming of a 32 degree Christmas.
I've posted on this blog before about returning to Perth and always being pleasantly surprised. This year is no exception as we were lucky enough to attend a gorgeous wedding on Rottnest Island the weekend before Christmas, and so stay on for Christmas with my family here.....
Hubby and I en route to Rottnest on the most choppy boat ride ever.
My sister's gorgeous Christmas tree.
Rottnest
More Rottnest
En route to wedding
Floreat Beach
My sister's gorgeous Christmas tree.
Rottnest
More Rottnest
Wednesday, 17 December 2014
Sweet sweet nectar
Have you ever heard of a nectar list? It's like a challenge to the bucket list. Rather than setting goals and achieving challenges, it's all about acknowledging what you HAVE - the 'nectar' of your existence thus far. A brilliant idea, one I first read about in women's health magazine, but I believe ultimately coined by Huffington Post
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sierra-vandervort/the-nectar-list_b_5753464.html
So. Here's my nectar list for 2014.
1. I've purchased two houses
2. I've reduced my alcohol intake by more than half.
3. I've done my first hip hop yoga class (and many more since).
4. I've married the love of my life.
5. I've ran around Hoan Kiem lake with my friends and written funny post it notes over Vietnamese iced coffee in Hanoi
6. I've changed jobs and found an incredibly interesting / challenging position.
7. I've attended three beautiful weddings.
8. I've eaten at Tetsuya's.
9. I've started the foundations of my own business with my best friend.
10. I've swam in the glorious Maldives.
11. I've eaten fabulous tapas in Barcelona and strolled the streets of this gorgeous city.
12. I've visited - and loved - Hobart. For the first time.
13. I've been spoiled rotten and inspired by my beautiful friends over a weekend in Sorrento.
14. I've written off a car ( a first, hopefully a last).
15. I've attended the 80th of my stoic, loving grandmother.
16. I've eaten at Messina.
17. I've done by 5 km PB.
18. I've seen Wicked for the second time.
19. Michael and I have welcomed our first nephew into the world.
20. I've shopped up a storm in Kualan Lumpur.
21. I've cleared 7 years of clutter and junk away.
22. I've seen my favourite band - The National - in concert.
And I'm not even sure it's the half of it. Pictures to follow!
Thanks 2014. You've been bonza.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sierra-vandervort/the-nectar-list_b_5753464.html
So. Here's my nectar list for 2014.
1. I've purchased two houses
2. I've reduced my alcohol intake by more than half.
3. I've done my first hip hop yoga class (and many more since).
4. I've married the love of my life.
5. I've ran around Hoan Kiem lake with my friends and written funny post it notes over Vietnamese iced coffee in Hanoi
6. I've changed jobs and found an incredibly interesting / challenging position.
7. I've attended three beautiful weddings.
8. I've eaten at Tetsuya's.
9. I've started the foundations of my own business with my best friend.
10. I've swam in the glorious Maldives.
11. I've eaten fabulous tapas in Barcelona and strolled the streets of this gorgeous city.
12. I've visited - and loved - Hobart. For the first time.
13. I've been spoiled rotten and inspired by my beautiful friends over a weekend in Sorrento.
14. I've written off a car ( a first, hopefully a last).
15. I've attended the 80th of my stoic, loving grandmother.
16. I've eaten at Messina.
17. I've done by 5 km PB.
18. I've seen Wicked for the second time.
19. Michael and I have welcomed our first nephew into the world.
20. I've shopped up a storm in Kualan Lumpur.
21. I've cleared 7 years of clutter and junk away.
22. I've seen my favourite band - The National - in concert.
And I'm not even sure it's the half of it. Pictures to follow!
Thanks 2014. You've been bonza.
Tuesday, 16 December 2014
Space, space, space ....
I've been thinking the last few days that I need some space - physically, emotionally, mentally. Building space into our lives is necessary - not only to rest and digest, but also to develop resilience.
Don't get me wrong. 2014 has been a bonanza - two houses, a wedding (mine), four other weddings (close family and friends), three countries, a new job (for me and Michael), flatmate moves, new business opportunities and massive lifestyle upheavals. But there's a point where you start to feel like you need to do less 'doing' and more 'being'. For example, I've made all these weird, scatter brained little mistakes lately which are just ... not me, and I think, a sign of stress and overwrought. And I think a sign that I'm crying out for some quiet minutes / hours / weeks.
It's easy, too, to get enveloped in the rush and to lose sight of the bigger picture. For those of you who are in Australia and have watched the news unfold, the Sydney hostage crisis which ended tragically for some in the early hours of this morning serves as a timely reminder - goals, jobs, errands and to do lists will always be there. Things that are beautiful and special can often be fleeting. Put down your lists people! I'm going to do that just now - my dog is begging for some much needed play time.
x
Don't get me wrong. 2014 has been a bonanza - two houses, a wedding (mine), four other weddings (close family and friends), three countries, a new job (for me and Michael), flatmate moves, new business opportunities and massive lifestyle upheavals. But there's a point where you start to feel like you need to do less 'doing' and more 'being'. For example, I've made all these weird, scatter brained little mistakes lately which are just ... not me, and I think, a sign of stress and overwrought. And I think a sign that I'm crying out for some quiet minutes / hours / weeks.
It's easy, too, to get enveloped in the rush and to lose sight of the bigger picture. For those of you who are in Australia and have watched the news unfold, the Sydney hostage crisis which ended tragically for some in the early hours of this morning serves as a timely reminder - goals, jobs, errands and to do lists will always be there. Things that are beautiful and special can often be fleeting. Put down your lists people! I'm going to do that just now - my dog is begging for some much needed play time.
x
Tuesday, 9 December 2014
She was a one eyed, one horned, flying purple people pleaser.
The concept of addiction is all around us. People for centuries have been addicted to alcohol and drugs. The concept of addiction has now stretched into our modern world - we can be addicted to social media, addicted to technology, addicted to sex.
But what about the more subtle and subconscious addictions that can manifest without you even realising? These can go months, years, even a whole lifetime without ever being recognised, named, and 'treated'. They might impact your health and happiness in ways that you can't articulate and may never even notice, and you might go through life feeling stuck or not quite right in some aspect of your life.
My addiction? People pleasing.
Yeah. Weird, right?
It started long before I was an adult for reasons I won't get into here, but suffice to say, it's been evident for most of my life. Being perfect, getting the tick of approval, always being there to offer a solution or assistance to anyone, making sure I worry about everything else and everyone else.
Not such a bad thing on the face of it. I mean, what's wrong with wanting to be liked? What's wrong with wanting to help others? Especially when those people are the people close to you - people you'd go to the ends of the earth for, or even watch an Adam Sandler film with.
Nothing, on the face of it. Just as drugs and alcohol aren't problematic, in and of themselves. That's the thing with addiction - it only a problem when it becomes a problem, right?
For me, being a little purple people pleaser has manifested itself in some less than ideal behaviours for me. The perception of being perfect, capable of anything. The fear of asking for help or showing vulnerability. The stress when someone has a problem or issue that I can't fix. The exhaustion of trying to be 'all things to all people' (a concept that anyone who has read the excellent Rushing Woman's Syndrome by Dr Libby Weaver will be familiar with).
This year has really brought this to the fore for me and I can see it causing damage. I'll get into that in a later post. So how to tackle any addiction?
Action plan - to break the cycle of habit. For the next two weeks, I will:
- Put a buffer between being asked to do something and responding
- Asking for help (I will be writing a list tomorrow of all the things I am going to ask for help with)
- Starting to accept help where it is offered to me
Bananas, right? All seems pretty intuitive, right? Well, not for this little purple people pleaser. It's gonna be hard. Here goes....
But what about the more subtle and subconscious addictions that can manifest without you even realising? These can go months, years, even a whole lifetime without ever being recognised, named, and 'treated'. They might impact your health and happiness in ways that you can't articulate and may never even notice, and you might go through life feeling stuck or not quite right in some aspect of your life.
My addiction? People pleasing.
Yeah. Weird, right?
It started long before I was an adult for reasons I won't get into here, but suffice to say, it's been evident for most of my life. Being perfect, getting the tick of approval, always being there to offer a solution or assistance to anyone, making sure I worry about everything else and everyone else.
Not such a bad thing on the face of it. I mean, what's wrong with wanting to be liked? What's wrong with wanting to help others? Especially when those people are the people close to you - people you'd go to the ends of the earth for, or even watch an Adam Sandler film with.
Nothing, on the face of it. Just as drugs and alcohol aren't problematic, in and of themselves. That's the thing with addiction - it only a problem when it becomes a problem, right?
For me, being a little purple people pleaser has manifested itself in some less than ideal behaviours for me. The perception of being perfect, capable of anything. The fear of asking for help or showing vulnerability. The stress when someone has a problem or issue that I can't fix. The exhaustion of trying to be 'all things to all people' (a concept that anyone who has read the excellent Rushing Woman's Syndrome by Dr Libby Weaver will be familiar with).
This year has really brought this to the fore for me and I can see it causing damage. I'll get into that in a later post. So how to tackle any addiction?
Action plan - to break the cycle of habit. For the next two weeks, I will:
- Put a buffer between being asked to do something and responding
- Asking for help (I will be writing a list tomorrow of all the things I am going to ask for help with)
- Starting to accept help where it is offered to me
Bananas, right? All seems pretty intuitive, right? Well, not for this little purple people pleaser. It's gonna be hard. Here goes....
Tuesday, 2 December 2014
Shoot that poison apple through my heart.... no, wait. File that poison apple away for later.
We all know that feeling right? You're stressed. You feel like you're being jolted from one thing to another and it seems never ending and you feel like you don't have a second to yourself and DAMMIT you just feel overwhelmed.
And then.
Just when you think you're at breaking point it hits.
A nasty rebuke from your boss.
A snarky email from a friend / partner / family member.
A rude stranger on the train.
An unhelpful person in your professional life.
BAM.
It's on. You're indignant. You're furious. You're enraged. You think 'HOW FUCKING DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME CAN'T YOU SEE I'M UP TO MY EYEBALLS / ABOUT TO POP / CRAZY STRESSED, DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME YOU INSUFFERABLE BUFFOON WHY IS THE WORLD SO UNKIND ETCETERA'.
I like to call these little babies 'poison apples'. A psychologist coined this little anecdote for me years ago. He may have gotten it from somewhere else, hell, it may be a known turn of phrase in psychological circles (though the internet doesn't seem to think so, I checked).
These things come up in life, yes, when you're stressed, yes, when you think you can't handle anything more happening in your life, and yes, when things going wrong. Sometimes they are malicious. But most often, they aren't (because they can't see. They don't know. They didn't realise the world was being so unkind to you).
I used to complain bitterly to my psychologist about things that people did that I perceived as unkind / unfair / downright wrong. On and on I would go, decrying other people's deplorable behaviour and the negative impact it had on me.
So here's what he said (and I'm paraphrasing here):
These things that people say and do to you are like poison apples. They are bad for you, undoubtedly. The are nasty to receive. They might even be given by someone who KNOWS that the apple is poisonous. But you are the one who chooses to eat the apple. You are the one taking the first bite. You could give the apple back. You could put the apple in the bin. You could even put the apple aside until later and decide what to do with it at a later time.
Food for thought, isn't it (haha, apple, haha, food). I was forced to think about this today, as I received a rather unpleasant email from a friend. I honestly thought I was seconds away from losing at her, ending our friendship, telling her what an idiot she was being.
But then, I remembered this analogy. Sure, I was angry. Sure, I had a massive rant to my husband. Sure, I was upset. But after I gathered my rage, I filed the email away in my 'personal' file and thought - yeah, with everything I've got on my plate at the moment, I'm just going to have to put that poison apple away and decide how to deal with it later. I don't have to take a bite, and if I do, I'm not sure I'll like to outcome.
As an aside, my friend sent me an email before I'd had a chance to respond the original, saying that she was sorry and regretted sending it. By then, my head was clearer. Not only was I less angry, but I was more equipped to get to the root cause of her original email - are you angry at me? is something personal going on with you? how can we fix this? or are you just having a shitty day, like I am?
Do you ever feel like someone is handing you a poison apple and you have to take a bite and react NOW?
image from
And then.
Just when you think you're at breaking point it hits.
A nasty rebuke from your boss.
A snarky email from a friend / partner / family member.
A rude stranger on the train.
An unhelpful person in your professional life.
BAM.
It's on. You're indignant. You're furious. You're enraged. You think 'HOW FUCKING DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME CAN'T YOU SEE I'M UP TO MY EYEBALLS / ABOUT TO POP / CRAZY STRESSED, DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME YOU INSUFFERABLE BUFFOON WHY IS THE WORLD SO UNKIND ETCETERA'.
I like to call these little babies 'poison apples'. A psychologist coined this little anecdote for me years ago. He may have gotten it from somewhere else, hell, it may be a known turn of phrase in psychological circles (though the internet doesn't seem to think so, I checked).
These things come up in life, yes, when you're stressed, yes, when you think you can't handle anything more happening in your life, and yes, when things going wrong. Sometimes they are malicious. But most often, they aren't (because they can't see. They don't know. They didn't realise the world was being so unkind to you).
I used to complain bitterly to my psychologist about things that people did that I perceived as unkind / unfair / downright wrong. On and on I would go, decrying other people's deplorable behaviour and the negative impact it had on me.
So here's what he said (and I'm paraphrasing here):
These things that people say and do to you are like poison apples. They are bad for you, undoubtedly. The are nasty to receive. They might even be given by someone who KNOWS that the apple is poisonous. But you are the one who chooses to eat the apple. You are the one taking the first bite. You could give the apple back. You could put the apple in the bin. You could even put the apple aside until later and decide what to do with it at a later time.
Food for thought, isn't it (haha, apple, haha, food). I was forced to think about this today, as I received a rather unpleasant email from a friend. I honestly thought I was seconds away from losing at her, ending our friendship, telling her what an idiot she was being.
But then, I remembered this analogy. Sure, I was angry. Sure, I had a massive rant to my husband. Sure, I was upset. But after I gathered my rage, I filed the email away in my 'personal' file and thought - yeah, with everything I've got on my plate at the moment, I'm just going to have to put that poison apple away and decide how to deal with it later. I don't have to take a bite, and if I do, I'm not sure I'll like to outcome.
As an aside, my friend sent me an email before I'd had a chance to respond the original, saying that she was sorry and regretted sending it. By then, my head was clearer. Not only was I less angry, but I was more equipped to get to the root cause of her original email - are you angry at me? is something personal going on with you? how can we fix this? or are you just having a shitty day, like I am?
Do you ever feel like someone is handing you a poison apple and you have to take a bite and react NOW?
image from
Tuesday, 25 November 2014
Does not compute / input error
Just a quick one here...
We're all aware of information overload. Nary a day goes by when we aren't warned by a well meaning news article or a stern report on the news about the dangers of information overload, smartphone addiction, overuse of social media. This isn't really about the supposedly detrimental effects of information overload (though the effects, for example, on productivity and decision making skills are showing to be dire, if said reports and articles are to be believed). It's more about, well, what happens to this information? Sure, some of it is used to make very necessary decisions about our day to day life, and in some cases, large life decisions that warrant a little research and analysis. A lot of the information is surely stored, sorted in our subconscious, to affect us at a later day in ways that we will probably never realise and will certainly never be able to articulate. But with all the information going in, what actually comes out? I would have thought that for all that's absorbed, our brains must require some sort of product (a sort of bizarre version of 'what goes up must come down'.... what comes in must go out?). For me, it's writing this blog. This is the thing that I 'create' rather than absorb. With all the changes coming up in my life, I think it's important to have that sort of an outlet where I can actually make something. For others, it's baking or crafting or singing, but I can't do any of those things (well, I can, but the by products aren't really anything I am yet to reveal to the world).
So, the question is, what do you create? What, if anything, is your output back into the world that wants to stuff you full of information?
x
We're all aware of information overload. Nary a day goes by when we aren't warned by a well meaning news article or a stern report on the news about the dangers of information overload, smartphone addiction, overuse of social media. This isn't really about the supposedly detrimental effects of information overload (though the effects, for example, on productivity and decision making skills are showing to be dire, if said reports and articles are to be believed). It's more about, well, what happens to this information? Sure, some of it is used to make very necessary decisions about our day to day life, and in some cases, large life decisions that warrant a little research and analysis. A lot of the information is surely stored, sorted in our subconscious, to affect us at a later day in ways that we will probably never realise and will certainly never be able to articulate. But with all the information going in, what actually comes out? I would have thought that for all that's absorbed, our brains must require some sort of product (a sort of bizarre version of 'what goes up must come down'.... what comes in must go out?). For me, it's writing this blog. This is the thing that I 'create' rather than absorb. With all the changes coming up in my life, I think it's important to have that sort of an outlet where I can actually make something. For others, it's baking or crafting or singing, but I can't do any of those things (well, I can, but the by products aren't really anything I am yet to reveal to the world).
So, the question is, what do you create? What, if anything, is your output back into the world that wants to stuff you full of information?
x
Monday, 17 November 2014
Friendship
This weekend, my best friend, who I have lived with for ten years, moves out.
Although this isn't sudden, I think it's the first time I've contemplated it fully.
Allow me to explain.
My best friend and I went to high school together. A couple of years after high school, we both moved to the city - me for university, and him for new career opportunities. For many years, we had talked about how cool our share house in Perth would be. It was our dream. Eating Red Rooster, watching Smack The Pony. Wielding our fake IDs at Rosie O'Grady's. Sitting around our kitchen table which would double as a fish tank. Yeah, we were cool.
In Perth, we lived with others - some very dear friends. Years on, as I neared the end of my law degree, my best friend (yeah, I'm going to go ahead and call him my BFF) announced that he was moving to Melbourne. I also decided to move to Melbourne at the end of my degree (now, before you write me off as a bunny boiler, I moved at a time that maybe 5 or 6 other people in our circle of friends moved as well. At that time, unless you had a degree in engineering or some other mining-centric field, jobs were thin on the ground).
So we moved to Melbourne and share housed with another amazing friend. The three of us eventually moved to a house that I bought. The amazing friend moved back to Perth to be with a partner, my BFF and I eventually found partners of our own. Both of them moved in. So the four of us, plus our dogs, have been living in our happy, slightly weird, urbane family. Until now. Since the beloved and I announced our engagement, my BFF and his BF have made plans to get their own place.
Now, I know that anyone reading this may think "what's the big deal? It's not like he's moving to Pakistan! It's not like he is her BOYFRIEND". These are points that many, many others have made to me. And I agree!! At least in the logical, sensible part of my brain. The part which organises tax returns and peels stickers off fruit BEFORE eating.
But that part of my brain doesn't always prevail, and you guys, the crazy, emotional, Oprah watching brain has kicked in. When you live with someone for that long - platonically, romantically, whatever - well, they become your family. You start to know everything about that person. You start, in some ways, to emulate that person in ways that you don't even recognise. You seek their counsel on everything. You cry to them when there's no more wine in the fridge. You yell at them when they delete your Law and Order from the Foxtel planner. You ask them to console you after another evening of regrettable lady-man liaisons with ill advised suitors. And they do. With aplomb.
Most of all, you love them and you think they are the best person in the world for hanging about for ten years putting up with your bullshit.
Don't get me wrong - I understand that change is a fact of life. I know that this is a fabulous milestone for Michael and I (it's hard to believe that we have never lived together alone in our relationship and I'm looking forward to that). I know I'll see my BFF all the time (we are planning on starting a business together so he's my business partner and will be my office bee-yatch very soon, I hope).
I'm just sad because I'll miss my best friend. I'm sad because in the ten years that we've lived together I never once stopped to think "hey, moron, this might not last forever, so cherish it while you've got it and stop getting pissed at the guy because he beat you at trivial pursuit again."
So. There you go. If you'll excuse me, I need to go and see if my BFF is free to watch some Smack The Pony.
Although this isn't sudden, I think it's the first time I've contemplated it fully.
Allow me to explain.
My best friend and I went to high school together. A couple of years after high school, we both moved to the city - me for university, and him for new career opportunities. For many years, we had talked about how cool our share house in Perth would be. It was our dream. Eating Red Rooster, watching Smack The Pony. Wielding our fake IDs at Rosie O'Grady's. Sitting around our kitchen table which would double as a fish tank. Yeah, we were cool.
In Perth, we lived with others - some very dear friends. Years on, as I neared the end of my law degree, my best friend (yeah, I'm going to go ahead and call him my BFF) announced that he was moving to Melbourne. I also decided to move to Melbourne at the end of my degree (now, before you write me off as a bunny boiler, I moved at a time that maybe 5 or 6 other people in our circle of friends moved as well. At that time, unless you had a degree in engineering or some other mining-centric field, jobs were thin on the ground).
So we moved to Melbourne and share housed with another amazing friend. The three of us eventually moved to a house that I bought. The amazing friend moved back to Perth to be with a partner, my BFF and I eventually found partners of our own. Both of them moved in. So the four of us, plus our dogs, have been living in our happy, slightly weird, urbane family. Until now. Since the beloved and I announced our engagement, my BFF and his BF have made plans to get their own place.
Now, I know that anyone reading this may think "what's the big deal? It's not like he's moving to Pakistan! It's not like he is her BOYFRIEND". These are points that many, many others have made to me. And I agree!! At least in the logical, sensible part of my brain. The part which organises tax returns and peels stickers off fruit BEFORE eating.
But that part of my brain doesn't always prevail, and you guys, the crazy, emotional, Oprah watching brain has kicked in. When you live with someone for that long - platonically, romantically, whatever - well, they become your family. You start to know everything about that person. You start, in some ways, to emulate that person in ways that you don't even recognise. You seek their counsel on everything. You cry to them when there's no more wine in the fridge. You yell at them when they delete your Law and Order from the Foxtel planner. You ask them to console you after another evening of regrettable lady-man liaisons with ill advised suitors. And they do. With aplomb.
Most of all, you love them and you think they are the best person in the world for hanging about for ten years putting up with your bullshit.
Don't get me wrong - I understand that change is a fact of life. I know that this is a fabulous milestone for Michael and I (it's hard to believe that we have never lived together alone in our relationship and I'm looking forward to that). I know I'll see my BFF all the time (we are planning on starting a business together so he's my business partner and will be my office bee-yatch very soon, I hope).
I'm just sad because I'll miss my best friend. I'm sad because in the ten years that we've lived together I never once stopped to think "hey, moron, this might not last forever, so cherish it while you've got it and stop getting pissed at the guy because he beat you at trivial pursuit again."
So. There you go. If you'll excuse me, I need to go and see if my BFF is free to watch some Smack The Pony.
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